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so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
