Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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