i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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