brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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