After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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