I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
