I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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