I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
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