I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
