Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
