The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
