Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize