I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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