i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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