I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
