No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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