yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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