People in love make me want to vomit
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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