Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
