I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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