im about as happy as oj after his trial
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
