I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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