Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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