May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize