She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize