i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize