youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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