I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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