this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
