u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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