I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
