i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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