we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
