somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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