so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
