And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
