i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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