I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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