AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Naked. naked and bneed help.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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