My Higher Power is John Stamos
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
