New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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