I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
