She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize