i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
