Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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