we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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