Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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