Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
