How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
