yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
