I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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