Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Someone shattered a urinal.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
