do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
