I molested 6 butterflies tonight
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
We need to get me chipped asap
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
