So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
