Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I love you.
Bad choice
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
