Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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