READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
