just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
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