Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
