That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
