Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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