Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Is Oprah even human
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
