so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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