he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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