I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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